


only if you want to

by GallifreyanFairytale



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: (sibling law requires you gently bully your little brother), (that ones not Super relevant but it is there), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Aromantic Bumi II (Avatar), Bumi II (Avatar) Has Tourette's, Derealization, Established Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), F/F, Gen, Hallucinations, Izumi and Kya II Are Cousins, Kya II (Avatar)-centric, Not Canon Compliant, Panic Attacks, Sharing a Bed, Sleep Deprivation, Sleep Paralysis, Sneaking Out, Sokka (Avatar) Has Tourette's, a little good natured tenzin bashing, all my homies hate the pre-tlok timeline, bc screw the pre-tlok timeline, listen aang and katara are NOT bad parents, their kids just. don't talk to them.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29827794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallifreyanFairytale/pseuds/GallifreyanFairytale
Summary: It’s Uncle Sokka’s fault.Because of course he didn’t have any biological kids to pass the Bad Sleep Genes onto, so Kya ended up getting stuck with them. And yeah, she could blame Grandpa Hakoda because apparently that’s where Sokka got his Bad Sleep Genes from, but it’s easier to just blame Sokka. Sokka blames his dad, Kya blames Sokka, and if Tenzin ever has kids, whichever one of them gets cursed can blame her.or: kya ii & sleep
Relationships: Bumi II & Kya II (Avatar), Lin Beifong/Kya II
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61





	only if you want to

**Author's Note:**

> me: wow i want to write a sleep paralysis kya ii fic but i don't have any ideas :( oh well, i guess it'll just be a short little 2k-3k word fic.  
> me: [has a new & funky fresh sleep paralysis experience]  
> me: okay so what if i give that to kya, crank the angst up to an 11, and-- oh it's over 10k words now oops
> 
> this can vaguely be read as a sequel to my sleep paralysis!sokka fic, [when we all fall asleep, where do we go?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27657898) but you definitely don't need to read that in order to understand this
> 
> also featuring sokka & bumi ii with tourette's for [Corey](https://that-was-anticlimactic.tumblr.com/)
> 
> ages of the kids in this fic: Bumi is 21, Kya & Izumi are 18, Tenzin is 17, Lin is 16, and Su is 10 (atla wiki doesn't have all the canon ages so i'm just making it up to fit what i want to be canon) and also Tenzin and Lin broke up bc they weren't compatible; it had nothing to do with Pema bc they have not met her yet
> 
>  **trigger warnings**  
>  \- sleep paralysis  
> \- intentional sleep deprivation  
> \- hallucinations  
> \- depersonalization/derealization  
> \- panic attack  
> \- mentions of alcohol  
> \- brief, vague, discussion of periods (if you want to avoid this, you can stop reading at "“I’m not sick!” Kya protests" and start reading again at "Kya shows up at Lin’s house")
> 
> okay this was a long author's note but i think that's all!! if there's something else i need to add in the warnings, just let me know and i will!!  
> title from if you want to by beabadoobee

It’s Uncle Sokka’s fault.

Because of course he didn’t have any biological kids to pass the Bad Sleep Genes onto, so Kya ended up getting stuck with them. And yeah, she could blame Grandpa Hakoda because apparently that’s where Sokka got _his_ Bad Sleep Genes from, but it’s easier to just blame Sokka. Sokka blames his dad, Kya blames Sokka, and if Tenzin ever has kids, whichever one of them gets cursed can blame her.

The fun thing, though, is that she and Bumi can bond over inheriting things from their uncle. Kya got the Bad Sleep Genes and Bumi got Tourette’s, while Tenzin got nothing. _Loser_. He _wishes_ he could say he inherited something from Uncle Sokka.

(Well, no he doesn’t. But he _should_. Because Sokka is the greatest and Kya is proud to be able to trace one of her traits directly back to him. ...Even if it’s sleep problems.)

So, yeah, it’s Uncle Sokka’s fault that Kya is staring up at the ceiling with her limbs locked in place, vaguely wondering what time it is and if she has the mental energy to fully drag herself into consciousness instead of settling into this half-awake-half-asleep state until her mind shuts off again. But also, it’s not like Kya is _really_ mad at him. He didn’t ask for sleep problems anymore than Kya did.

At this point, Kya isn’t really even concerned by the fact that she can’t move. It’s more annoying than anything.

Eventually, Kya works herself to the point where she can wrench herself out of paralysis and into the real world. She pushes herself up into a sitting position, letting her blankets pool around her waist, and rubs the sleep from her eyes. The sky is still dark, but she knows she won’t be getting any more sleep tonight. Once she’s roused her brain enough, it refuses to tire itself back out until evening.

She grabs some spark rocks and a candle and moves out to the balcony, settling in for an early morning meditation - something Izumi introduced her to after she’d complained about waking up early one too many times. It’s not near as good as the mornings when Kya can sleep in a bit, but it at least gives her something to do. And she’s no firebender, but she likes to use fire anyways because it gives her something to focus on besides the insides of her eyelids.

\--

By dinner, Kya is ready to fall asleep. It’s hardly even half past six, but she wants nothing more than to collapse in her bed and let sleep overtake her. Even if falling asleep so early will result in her waking up at midnight and destroying her sleep schedule even more than she already has. Right now, it honestly seems worth it.

“Kya, are you feeling okay?”

Kya lifts her head from her hands and looks at her mom. “Yeah. Just tired. You can thank Sokka for that, seeing as the sleep paralysis is his fault.” Kya sees concern flit through her parents’ eyes, but Tenzin interrupts before either of them can say anything.

“You shouldn’t put the blame completely on Uncle Sokka.”

Kya rolls her eyes. Spoken like a true youngest child who just wants his uncle’s favoritism, even though Sokka isn’t even here. “Sokka doesn’t mind. He laughs whenever I joke about it being his fault. Maybe you’d know that if you spent more time with him.”

Bumi laughs, but covers it quickly with a cough when Katara and Aang shoot disapproving glares at him and Kya. Before they can reprimand Kya for her comment, though, Bumi says, “Kya, next time you get sleep paralysis, just shout for me and I’ll get you out of it.”

“Thanks,” Kya replies drily. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

“Good!” Bumi clicks his tongue twice. “You know I always like to offer a helping hand to my favorite sib-- my favorite sister.”

Tenzin scoffs while Bumi and Kya cackle until twin disapproving looks from their parents shut them up.

Unsurprisingly, when Kya wakes up sleep paralyzed two nights later, the only coherent thought in her mind is _It’d be really funny if I started shouting for Bumi_.

\--

One of Kya’s favorite parts about sleepovers is that her brain allows her to, well, _sleep_. Something about the fact that there’s another person in the room with her tends to override the Bad Sleep Genes. It lets her fall asleep at a normal time and not have to worry about any sort of sleep paralysis. Sometimes, if she’s lucky, she can even fall back asleep after waking up early.

So when Uncle Sokka, Uncle Zuko, and Izumi come to visit Air Temple Island, Kya has no issue sharing her room with Izumi. Technically, there are plenty of guest rooms on the island, but Izumi’s never had any qualms about sharing with Kya during her visits either.

So Kya and Izumi take Izumi’s luggage straight to Kya’s room and they talk about what’s happened in their lives since the last time they saw each other until they’re called to dinner.

When Kya and Izumi take their seats, everyone is there except for Bumi and Sokka, which isn’t really all that surprising.

“Where’s Dad?” Izumi asks Zuko.

Zuko shrugs. “He and Bumi disappeared as soon as we got here. They should be back soon--”

As if on cue, the two of them waltz into the room, laughing about something. Bumi is holding Sokka’s boomerang, which is a little concerning to Kya, but not enough so that she’s going to comment on it. Sometimes, it’s best to just let the Bumi & Sokka Chaos play out and watch what sort of trouble they brew from afar, where it’s funny and can’t hurt you.

“We’re back!” Sokka announces, plopping down next to Zuko and pumping his fist in the air. “I missed you, sunshine.” He kisses Zuko’s cheek, which causes Zuko’s face to flush.

Kya snickers while Izumi wrinkles her nose. “Stop being oogie during dinner!”

Kya likes it when Sokka, Zuko, and Izumi come to visit because it’s easy. It probably _shouldn’t_ be - Zuko’s the Fire Lord, making his family one of the most important ones in the world - but it is. Because Izumi might be the crown princess of the Fire Nation, but she’s also just Kya’s cousin who Kya can trust with her life and her deepest secrets. Sokka and Zuko might rule over an entire nation, but they’re also just Kya’s uncles who make Kya cringe but also remind her she’s allowed to have hope for a bright future.

And after the sun has long since set, when it’s time to go to sleep for the night, Kya’s brain allows her to sleep through the night and wake up at sunrise with Izumi instead of waking her at some odd hour of the night and forcing her to endure sleep paralysis.

\--

It’s been two weeks since Izumi’s last visit. 

Kya is laying in bed, facing away from the wall, and there is someone face-to-face with her.

She uses the term _someone_ loosely - whatever is here in this room with her isn’t human, or is at least dressed oddly enough they look like a spirit. If Kya could move, she could reach out and touch… whatever it is. But neither one of them move - Kya frozen in place, arms trapped by a weight she can’t explain, and the creature staring her down, ready to attack at any moment.

Kya knows this isn’t real. She _knows_ this isn’t real. She remembers waking up around midnight and drifting back off into a dream tinged with odd familiarity. She knows this dark spirit in her room, two inches from her face, cannot possibly be real.

But that doesn’t stop Kya’s breaths from coming short and fast, quickly crossing over into the territory of hyperventilation. No matter how hard Kya stares at the spirit, she cannot convince herself it isn’t there. She cannot convince herself it’s nothing but a hallucination. And for the first time in years, she cannot shake herself out of this paralysis - she can’t even locate her arms. They must still be attached to her body, but she has no idea where they are.

All she is right now is a pair of eyes staring at a spirit and a pair of lips huffing out air like that will scare it away. All she is right now is a mind running wild, preparing for its last moments because Kya can’t pull herself out of this half-dream and she can see, out of the corner of her eye, that this spirit is holding a sword.

The fear wraps itself around her throat despite how illogical she knows it is. A hallucination can’t hurt her. She’s gone into fight or flight mode anyways, except she can’t do either while frozen in place, unable to locate any of her limbs.

All she has are her eyes and her mouth, though she can’t use her voice either. If she were an airbender or a firebender, she could use her panicked breaths for something useful. But all Kya can do is try to convince her eyes that there is nothing else in her room with her.

She isn’t sure how long she lies there, trapped, stuck, alone, and afraid. It could be hours or it could be only a few moments. But each second speeds up her heart rate, and her mouth is getting dry from breathing through it the way she is.

Slowly, though, the spirit begins to morph into something else. And in the dark, it shifts just enough that it appears to be wearing Uncle Zuko’s Blue Spirit mask.

It’s something familiar enough that the terror squeezing Kya eases, and she tries to smile - to let the spirit know she recognizes the mask, knows what play it’s from, and she doesn’t want to be an enemy. She isn’t sure her lips turn upwards, though, and if they do, the smile may come across as more threatening than friendly with how little control she has over her own body.

Either half a second or half an eternity later, something shifts. Something switches off in Kya’s brain and the spirit reveals itself to be a pile of clothes on a chair and the dresser next to it, across the room from her bed. She can feel her arms again, trapped under her body. She’d been laying on her stomach, on top of both her arms, with her head turned so she could see the majority of her room. She can feel her legs too, now, and her breathing has evened out.

She stares at the dresser and chair, trying to figure out why they looked so much like a dark spirit standing inches from her face, but she can’t see it anymore.

She sighs and rolls onto her back. The anxiety is still coursing through her veins, though it is subdued now that there is no present danger. 

She breathes in and out through her nose, internally groaning at how dry her throat is. The sun is only just beginning to rise, but Kya knows she won’t be falling back asleep, so she figures she might as well get up and get some water.

Unsurprisingly, no one else is awake yet. Kya is grateful for the quiet this morning, though, because it gives her nerves time to settle before she has to interact with anyone.

She shouldn’t be this shaken, really. It’s not like her mind even conjured up a complete hallucination - it was based entirely on objects already in her room. All her brain did was the same thing any little kid does when they see shadows on the wall - it turned something completely ordinary into a monster, and left Kya gasping for breath and silently screaming.

She shakes her head slightly, clearing her thoughts, and takes a slow sip of water. 

Once her cup has been emptied, she returns to her room, picks a book off her shelf at random, and moves to the balcony to read in the early morning light.

\--

“You’re still up?”

Kya glances over to Bumi, who is fidgeting with… something. “Yes,” she bites out. “What about it?”

“Nothing!” He rolls his shoulder. “You’re just usually asleep by now. It’s gotta be almost ten. What are you even doing?” He moves across the room, plopping down next to Kya. Now that he’s closer, Kya recognizes the object in his hands as one of the fidget toys he got from Sokka - one made of metal rings interlocked with each other, looped through other bits of metal. If Kya remembers correctly, it’s one of Sokka’s own inventions that he got Toph to metalbend into existence. 

“I’m _reading_ ,” she snaps, moving the book out of Bumi’s view. “Can you just leave me be?”

“I’m just curious!” Bumi protests.

Kya groans and snaps the book shut. “Why don’t you go bother Tenzin?”

“He’s asleep.”

“Oh.” Kya frowns. It’s been a while since either of her siblings fell asleep before she did. Not that it matters. Kya can stay up late for no particular reason at all any time she wants, and her refusal to go to bed definitely has nothing to do with her sleep paralysis episode from early this morning. “Well don’t you have friends to talk to?”

“Are you telling me to sneak out?” Bumi gasps. “ _Wait_. Since you’re still awake, we should go to the city. I keep wanting to go to the night market, but I can’t take the ferry because I’ll get caught. _But_ if you use your waterbending, we wouldn’t need a boat to take us.”

Kya’s refusal dies on her tongue as she realizes that Republic City’s nightlife would be the perfect distraction to keep her awake.

“Come on, Kya. _Please_?” Bumi drops the fidget toy and folds his hands together. “I’m begging you. We don’t even have to stay out for very long - just a couple hours is fine! And we can just go get food. We won’t do anything illegal, and we won’t even drink even though we’re both above the legal drinking age, and--”

“Okay, okay!” Kya interrupts. “You’ve convinced me. Let me go change out of my pajamas, and then we can go.”

“Yes!” Bumi cheers. He pumps his fist in the air. “You’re the greatest, Kya!”

Kya doesn’t really feel like she deserves the compliment, but she doesn’t argue. How is she supposed to admit to Bumi that she only agreed to go to Republic City with him because she’s scared to fall asleep?

\--

Sneaking out isn’t hard. Kya’s parents have far too much trust in her and her brothers, and Air Temple Island is relatively unguarded. Most people have no interest in attacking the home of the Avatar. 

It isn’t long before Kya and Bumi have crossed over to Republic City and made their way to the night market, the streets lit up with lights glowing soft and golden, like fireflies. There are bustling crowds of people from all four nations, whispering excitedly to their friends or shouting over the noise. Vendors call out, advertising their products and trying to get people to stop and look at their merchandise.

It’s the perfect place to be if you’re trying to avoid sleep.

Almost immediately, Bumi is grabbing Kya’s arm and dragging her off to whatever has caught his eye, weaving through the crowds like only someone raised by an airbender could - like a leaf in the wind.

The two of them wander around, gawking at the sights and sounds like they’ve never seen it before. There’s something different tonight - an added thrill rushing through Kya’s veins at the knowledge that she’s here without her parents’ permission.

Once they make it past the thick of the crowd, Bumi lets go of Kya’s hand and pulls his fidget toy from his pocket, playing with it as they walk. They peruse the stalls, pointing out things they think the other might like. Technically, they shouldn’t buy anything so they don’t have to explain where they got it from, but Kya keeps eyeing pairs of earrings like she might break and risk it.

After window shopping for a good hour and a half, they stop to get a snack. Bumi spots a stand selling fruit tarts, and Kya isn’t going to say no, especially after Bumi offers to pay, so they buy their food and find somewhere away from the crowds to sit and eat.

“You’re not getting too tired, are you?” Bumi questions. “We can head back, if you want.”

Kya glances upwards, but the stars are hard to see with all the lights from the night market and the city beyond. It’s not like she can tell time with the stars fast enough to not leave Bumi hanging anyway. Only Sokka has that skill. But at Kya’s best estimate, she’d say it’s probably only just now nearing midnight.

“No, I’m fine.” She fights back a yawn. “Besides, there’s still so much we haven’t seen!”

Bumi shrugs. “If you’re sure. Just let me know when you want to leave.”

Kya would, quite honestly, prefer to stay out until sunrise. Once the sun comes up, she’ll have an easier time forcing herself to stay awake without constantly needing something to occupy her mind. She doubts Bumi will want to stay out until sunrise, though, and it’s probably for the best. The last thing they need is to return home to a pair of very awake and very upset parents.

(The last thing they need is to give their parents _another_ reason for Tenzin to be the favorite.)

When they _do_ finally agree it’s time to head back home, Kya has wasted enough of her night that she should be able to make it through to morning without sleeping. One the walk back to the docks, a young woman shoves a flier into Kya’s hands, advertising a firebending performance tomorrow night.

A plan begins to form in the back of Kya’s mind.

\--

Breakfast is a slow affair. 

Bumi is half asleep, nearly snoring in his food. Kya pushes hers around her plate, fighting to keep her eyes open. After they got back home, Bumi had all but collapsed in bed. But Kya stayed awake through the night, reading by candlelight long after her eyes began to burn and the words started blurring together.

Tenzin and Aang left at sunrise, off on another airbending adventure Kya and Bumi weren’t invited to partake in, but Kya thinks this is the one time she might not mind missing out. Her mind is begging her to sleep, even if just for a few minutes, but Kya _won’t_.

(She knows she’ll have to sleep eventually, but she isn’t going to do it until she has no other choice. And she can last longer than a mere twenty-seven hours.)

“Are you two feeling okay?” Katara asks.

Bumi makes a noise in the back of his throat that could probably pass as a response if it didn’t look like he was a split-second away from falling face-first into his plate of food.

“Yes!” Kya answers quickly. “Just, you know, sleep problems. As always.” She waves her mom’s concerns aside. When Katara’s eyebrows stay furrowed, Kya elbows Bumi sharply, jolting him out of his half-sleep.

“I’m awake!” He announces.

Katara’s frown deepens.

“It’s my fault,” Kya says. “Remember when Bumi told me to just yell for him next time I had sleep paralysis? I thought it would be funny to actually wake him up once I got myself out of it.”

“Yeah,” Bumi agrees. “It’s all Kya’s fault!”

Katara sighs and shakes her head. “I’ll write to Sokka and ask him for some of Iroh’s special tea blend that helps him sleep. In the meantime, Kya, don’t wake your brother up. Even if he technically asked for it.”

“I won’t,” Kya promises. She doesn’t mention the tea, mostly because she’s not sure she wants it. It would probably be better to just avoid sleep for as long as possible, so when she _does_ crash, she might be able to sleep deep enough that she won’t have to deal with sleep paralysis or any sort of hallucination that might come with it. “Also, I was wondering if Lin and I could go out somewhere tonight?” She tries to add it as casually as possible so her mom will agree without too much thought.

“Where?”

“There’s a firebending performance happening at the night market in Republic City tonight,” Kya explains. She can feel Bumi’s eyes on her, trying to figure out _why_ she’s interested in staying out late again, but Kya knows he won’t risk saying anything in front of Katara. “It sounds really interesting, and Lin was talking about wanting to see it.” That’s a boldfaced lie, but neither Katara nor Bumi has to know that. “I’ll need to go ask her, though, because I wanted to get your permission before I invited her.” And, finally, appealing to her mother by making her feel like her opinion on the matter is the most important part of the plan.

“How late?” Katara raises an eyebrow. “You just told me you were tired because you didn’t sleep well.”

“It starts at ten, and I’ll be fine. If I feel like I’m going to be too tired, I’ll cancel.”

“Fine,” she concedes. “But after it’s done, I want you to walk Lin home so you know she gets there safely, and then I want you to come straight back here.”

“Deal!” Kya agrees easily. She stands up and clears her dishes, desperate to leave before Bumi can get a chance to question her. “I’m going to go ask her now!”

“We could just radio Toph--”

“Nope!” Kya clears her throat. “I mean. Uh. It’s fine. I want to get some fresh air anyways. Sokka says it’s good for, um, sleep problems.” She runs from the room, ignoring her mother’s skepticism.

\--

Kya takes the ferry to the mainland because she’s too tired to travel by bending. Besides, the longer she’s out of the house with the outside world and its crowds of people to keep her mind occupied, the less time she has to spend fighting against sleep. She couldn’t fall asleep on the ferry even if she tried - the constant buzz of conversations happening around her is too loud to allow for enough peace of mind. The sun is shining brightly today too, with only a few scarce clouds floating idly through the sky. Between the light and noise, Kya should have no problem staying awake as long as she’s in the city.

Technically, Kya has no idea if Lin will even be at home right now, but she weaves through the streets of Republic City that will take her to Lin’s house anyways. It’s a place to start, and even if Lin isn’t there, at least she’s keeping herself awake.

Su answers the door, and Kya can hear Lin in the background, saying, “Mom told us not to open the door while she’s gone!”

“It’s just Kya!” Su shouts back. She steps aside so Kya can step through the doorway. “If you’re here to talk to Mom, she’s at work.”

“I wanted to talk to Lin, actually.”

“Why?” Su crosses her arms and frowns. “She’s annoying. And no fun!”

“She’s my friend,” Kya answers simply. “Am I allowed to talk to my friend, or do I have to fight you to prove myself first?”

Su cracks a smile. “I guess you can talk to her. I don’t know why you’d want to, though.”

Kya snickers as Su leads her to where Lin is seated on the floor, apparently studying. She’s grumbling under her breath, but stops as soon as Kya and Su enter the room. She looks up at them. “Su, you can go now.”

“But I don’t want to.”

“Kya is _my_ friend,” Lin argues, “and Mom put me in charge because I’m older. Can’t you just leave us alone for two seconds?”

Su looks between the two of them, a mischievous smirk crossing her face. “ _Oh_. I get it. You want to be _alone_ with _Kya_.” She wiggles her eyebrows, and Kya can feel her face flush. She hopes Lin is too focused on Su to notice. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Mom. Have _fuuuuunnn_!” She grins cheekily, then darts out of the room, narrowly avoiding a pillow Lin throws in her direction.

“Sorry about her,” Lin apologizes, staring down at one of the books laid out in front of her. “You can, uh, come in and sit down, if you want.”

“Sure!” Kya shakes Su’s insinuations from her mind. She’s not here to dwell on her hopeless crush on her friend (especially when said friend also happens to be her brother’s ex); she’s here to invite Lin on something that is… okay well now that Kya is thinking about it, it seems kind of date-like. But Kya has ulterior motives, so that makes it decidedly _not_ a date.

Kya bounces over to where Lin is sitting and plops down next to her. “So,” she starts, “I was thinking the two of us could go do something tonight.”

Lin raises an eyebrow. “Any particular reason?”

“I saw this flier for a firebending performance happening tonight,” Kya explains. “I thought it sounded really cool, but Tenzin won’t stay out that late - you know that - and Bumi is running on about three hours of sleep, so he won’t want to be out that late tonight either. So I thought maybe you’d like to go with me!”

Lin blinks slowly. “Don’t you usually go to bed earlier than Tenzin?”

“Well--” Kya stops herself. She doesn’t really have an argument against that. Lin knows she tends to fall asleep early because she wakes up so early - Kya has definitely complained about it to her on more than one occasion. “I mean, yeah, usually. But this is a special occasion!”

“They do one of those firebending performances every month at least,” Lin points out.

Kya groans. This is not going as easily as she’d hoped. Maybe it’s time to just give up and go alone instead. “Well, if you don’t want to go--”

“No!” Lin interrupts. “I-- I mean. I’d like to go. I think it sounds like fun.”

Kya breaks out into a smile. “Awesome! Okay, yeah, I can meet you here this evening? We can walk around the market a bit before the performance? If you’d like, that is.”

Lin nods. “That sounds great.”

Kya moves to stand, but she hesitates. If she goes back to Air Temple Island _now_ , she’ll still have hours of empty time to kill. “Do you… need any help studying? I don’t have anything else I’m doing today.”

Lin hesitates for only a moment before she says, “Sure, I could use the help.” She offers Kya a tentative smile that has Kya’s heart doing somersaults in her chest.

\--

Kya stays and helps Lin study long enough that the studying turns to talking and they both lose track of time. Kya only ends up leaving after a disgruntled Bumi knocks on the door and tells Kya their mom sent him to make sure she was okay.

“I’ll see you tonight!” Lin calls as Kya leaves with her brother. Su must say something to that, because Lin hisses, “Shut _up_ ,” at her, but Kya doesn’t catch what.

“What are you playing at?” Bumi asks once the door swings shut and they begin their walk to the docks. He has a spool of thread with him to fidget with today. “You couldn’t have gotten much more sleep than I did, and--” he clicks his tongue, “--and you’re wanting to stay out late tonight again?”

“I just really want to see the firebenders.”

“You see Izumi firebend all the time.”

Kya frowns. “Okay, first of all, that’s very different. And second, maybe I just want to spend time with Lin.”

“You just spent three hours with Lin.”

“That wasn’t _planned_.”

“Oh! So tonight is a _date_?”

“ _No_!”

“Then I’m confused.” He loops the thread around one of his fingers, looking at it rather than at Kya or at where they’re walking. “What’s the difference between the three hours you just spent with Lin and going to see firebenders with her tonight? Do you really need to spend so much time with her in one day? Wouldn’t it have been better to just spend more time with her now instead of meeting back up with her later, when you’re definitely going to be wishing you were asleep?”

Kya scoffs. “You wouldn’t get it.”

“Because it’s a romance thing?”

Kya splutters, searching for a response. It’s not a romance thing, really, but it’s also not _not_ a romance thing. “Um. ...Yes?”

Bumi hums, then shrugs. “Okay. Fair enough.” He bumps his shoulder against Kya’s. “But you know just because I’m not interested in romance doesn’t mean I won’t listen to you talk about girl problems--”

“There aren’t any _problems_.”

“--and if there’s something else going on, I’ll listen to that too.”

They take several steps in silence before Kya mumbles, “Thanks, Bumi.” She won’t talk to him about this - it’s something she can handle on her _own_ , thank you very much - but… it’s nice to know she has someone she can fall back on.

\--

The rest of the day drags by. Kya occupies herself by helping out the air acolytes with whatever they might need help with and avoiding Bumi and her mom.

Tenzin and Aang have returned by dinner and Bumi appears to have taken a nap because he’s much more alert and the bags under his eyes have nearly disappeared. So Kya is the only one feeling the full effects of sleep deprivation. If her math is right, she’s going on thirty-six hours without sleeping. She’s pretty sure she can make it longer, though. And she isn’t going to cancel on Lin.

She isn’t going to sleep until she has no other choice.

Kya hardly even tastes the food she’s eating, but she finishes her bowl quickly and is reaching for seconds before Tenzin’s even made it halfway through his first serving.

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” Aang questions.

“Why? Because I’m eating too much?” Kya snaps. She isn’t sure _why_ , exactly, she’s snapping at her dad. He’s never commented on her weight before and it seems odd that he’d start _now_ , especially after not saying anything like that in response to Kya And Bumi’s Great Pie Eating Competition Of 131 AG.

“You just look like you aren’t feeling well,” Katara responds. “Maybe you shouldn’t go out with Lin tonight. I can radio Toph and tell her you’re sick.”

“I’m not sick!” Kya protests, because she _isn’t_. Unfortunately, her go-to excuse is _I’m just tired_ and she’d told her mom she’d cancel on Lin if she was feeling too tired to go. “I just… I think it’s almost, um, a certain time of the month?” Kya internally winces at the tilt in her voice that turned her statement into a question.

Tenzin wrinkles his nose. “That’s disgusting, Kya.”

“It happens to half the population,” Kya shoots back. “I don’t know _how_ you managed to get a girlfriend if even the implication of--”

“Kya!” Katara interrupts. “Please, not at the table. And Tenzin, if you intend to marry a woman some day, you’re going to have to accept how the female body works.”

Tenzin goes red and Kya stifles her laughter.

“So if I don’t want to get married, I don’t have to accept how the female body works?” Bumi questions, twirling his chopsticks between his fingers.

“ _Bumi_ ,” Katara warns. 

He drops the chopsticks and raises his hands in defense. “I was just--” he whistles, “--just wondering!”

\--

Kya shows up at Lin’s house just as the sun is beginning to set. She can hear a commotion behind the door after she knocks: _“Who is that?!” “It’s Kya!” “I’ll get it!” “SU, NO!”_ The door swings open, revealing Su standing there.

“What’s the password?”

“Su!” Lin’s voice comes from down the hallway, though she’s still out of view.

Su rolls her eyes. “Fine, there’s no password.” She crosses her arms. “But I still have to screen you. What are your intentions for my sister tonight?”

Kya blinks. “Um. We’re just going to walk around the night market and watch the firebending show.”

Su narrows her eyes. “Are you _sure_?”

“...Yes?”

“Well I want her back by 10:30 sharp!”

“The show doesn’t start until ten!”

“Don’t argue with me, young lady!”

“Su, I’m eight years older than you!” Kya groans. “Where is Lin?”

“I’m coming!” Lin darts around the corner and to the doorway. She shoves Su out of the way. “Sorry,” she apologizes as Su grumbles under her breath. Lin glances back into the house. “Mom, I’m leaving!”

“Have fun!” Toph’s voice rings out.

“Use protection!” Su adds as Lin swings the door shut.

Lin winces “Sorry,” she says again. “She’s going through her rebellious teen phase early, I guess. I don’t even know how she learned half the stuff she says.”

“She’s making up for the fact that your rebellious teen phase was dating my brother after your mom told you she didn’t think it was worth it because it wouldn’t last.”

Lin cracks a smile. “I guess. I’m only sixteen, though. I still have time to rebel.”

“You won’t, though.”

“...You’re probably right,” she admits.

They chat idly as they walk through Republic City. Kya lets Lin lead the way through the market since she was just here last night and not much has changed since then. Kya _does_ buy a pair of dangly silver star earrings tonight, though.

“Those are so pretty!” Lin exclaims. She leans in closer to get a better look and Kya’s breath catches in her throat. “They’ll look really nice on you!”

“Thank you.” And then, because Kya’s brain-to-speech filter has weakened over the past thirty-six hours of no sleep, she adds, “You’d look pretty with your ears pierced.”

Lin’s hand goes up to her earlobe as they continue walking. “I… don’t know. I’m not sure I want metal in my ears while living in a house with two other metal benders.”

Kya hums. “That’s fair. Maybe you could get platinum earrings.” She brushes her arm against Lin’s. Maybe on purpose. “If you wanted to, that is. ...Would you still like me if I got an eyebrow piercing?”

Lin’s footing falters, but she catches herself quickly enough that Kya thinks maybe she just imagined it. “I think you’d look--” She clears her throat. “I think an eyebrow piercing would look good on you.”

“Really?”

“Mmhmm.” Lin’s voice sounds strained for some reason. Maybe she’s lying to make Kya feel better? Maybe Tenzin was right and an eyebrow piercing is a terrible idea--

Wait. Tenzin being _right_ about something like that? There’s no way. In fact, maybe Kya should be getting an eyebrow piercing solely to spite Tenzin. _That_ sounds right. That sounds like a great idea!

Lin gasps, breaking Kya from her thoughts. “Kya, look!” She points to a stand selling scarves, and then her hand is on Kya’s elbow, pulling her over to the stand. She’s pointing at a deep blue scarf with silver stars dotted across the fabric. The lights of the night market catch the silver and make it glow in a way that is nothing short of mesmerizing.

Kya needs that scarf.

She tears her eyes away from it to tell Lin as much, but her eyes catch on something golden before they reach Lin and she finds herself staring at a deep green scarf patterned with golden leaves and vines. “Lin.” She nudges the other girl’s arm. “ _Look_.” She points to the green scarf. “We could match.”

The scarves aren’t a perfect match, but they were clearly designed by the same person, and they compliment each other. Sort of like Kya and Lin do.

“We have to get them,” Lin says, voicing Kya’s thoughts. Kya finally _does_ look over at Lin, just in time to see her face fall. “I don’t have any money with me, though. Su was being annoying, and I forgot--”

“It’s fine,” Kya cuts Lin off. “I’ll buy it for you.”

“I can pay you back.”

Kya shakes her head. “Think of it as a thank-you gift for coming with me tonight.” Kya digs through her purse for the correct amount of money and hands it over to the woman at the stand, exchanging it for the two scarves. She turns to Lin, then, and wraps the green scarf around her neck. “There. You look--” _beautiful_ , “--nice.”

Lin’s face flushes, or maybe it’s just a trick of the light. “Thank you.”

Despite the fact that Kya knows she ate plenty at dinner, she can feel her stomach begging for more food, so she grasps at the topic change and asks, “Do you want to get a snack before the show starts? I’ll buy.”

Lin nods. “Okay.”

\--

They get ice cream and talk about whatever comes to mind until it’s nearly time for the performance to begin. Kya’s fatigue - which she’d previously been able to shove to the back of her mind - is back in full force now, and she can feel herself practically dragging her feet as they walk the block to the seating for the performance.

“Are you getting tired?” Lin questions. “We can go back, if you want. Don’t feel bad if you need to sleep.”

Kya almost laughs. _Need to sleep_. Lin has no idea.

“Nah, I’m good.” She waves Lin’s concerns aside and tries to pick up her pace. “Seriously, don’t worry about me.” Kya can feel the lie burning her tongue as she nearly trips over her own feet. Who knew lack of sleep caused a dip in your coordination? Kya is learning so many new things. Which is a little surprising, considering how fuzzy her head feels. Like someone stuffed it full of clouds, except clouds don’t actually feel like anything. So maybe more like someone stuffed it with dirt. Yeah.

Yeah.

Kya stumbles again, but Lin is there to steady her, and her touch sends sparks of electricity shooting across Kya’s skin.

“Oh,” Kya mumbles. She hadn’t even realized she was off balance until Lin was reaching out for her. “Thank you.”

“You’re sure you’re not too tired?”

Kya is easily standing on her own now, but Lin doesn’t make any move to let go of her. It feels nice. Lin is so pretty.

“I’ve never been more awake!”

Lin furrows her eyebrows. “Did you have something to drink earlier tonight? Were you and Bumi drinking before you came to pick me up?”

Kya laughs. “We’re not allowed to have alcohol at the temple. Unless it’s for special occasions. Something about the old Air Nomad monks not drinking? Last time Bumi tried to sneak some over from the city, he got caught. Mom was _not_ happy.” She shakes her head. “He hasn’t tried again since then. So no. I haven’t been drinking.”

“I’m not sure I believe you,” Lin grumbles. She slings Kya’s arm over her shoulder to hold her upright as they continue on their way. “You’re acting tipsy, at the very least.”

“Am not!” Kya’s eyes widen when she sees the venue for the performance. “Oh! We’re here!” She draws her arm away from Lin’s shoulder and grabs her hand instead, dragging her towards the seating. Most of the seats are filled by this point, but they find some near the middle, off to the right. Which is good because Kya really needs to sit down.

She all but collapses into her seat while Lin sits down far more gracefully. Lin is quiet as they wait for the show to begin, and without conversation to distract her, Kya has to fight to keep her eyes open. She _isn’t_ going to fall asleep, especially not here, in a crowd of hundreds of other people.

(But it would feel _so nice_ to just let her eyelids slip shut for a few seconds.)

Kya’s eyes must shut at some point, because she’s suddenly jolting back awake (no - not _back_ awake; she wasn’t really asleep) at a sudden noise. She looks around, but she’s not sure what snapped her out of the trance she’d landed herself in.

It happens once more before the show starts: Kya’s eyes droop, though it could only be for a few seconds, before they snap back open. It’s almost sleep, but it isn’t quite that. Maybe it’s enough to stave off the fatigue that is beginning to feel endless.

Kya tries to enjoy the show, she really does. But the longer she stares at the flames, the more they blur together until she’s only barely registering that there’s fire on the stage at all. It just looks like a mirage of orange lights that Kya can feel herself staring straight through.

But she won’t let her eyes close.

She _won’t_ fall asleep.

She looks over at Lin instead, forcing herself to focus. She studies the way the firelight makes her glow, the way it reflects her eyes, the way it catches the golden design of her scarf.

Lin doesn’t seem to notice Kya watching her, so she continues to stare, letting her eyes rake over Lin’s face, tracing her jawline, the way her hair is tucked so carefully behind her ear, the slope of her nose. Kya could probably look at Lin forever, she thinks. And what a nice forever that would be.

Kya doesn’t even realize the performance is over until Lin is looking over at her, tilting her head, with a curious expression on her face.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Kya smiles. “Everything’s perfect.”

Lin’s frown deepens, but she still looks beautiful as ever. “Okay.” She sighs. “...We should probably head back now. My mom said Katara told her we were supposed to head straight back after the show show ended.”

Oh. Right. That was something Kya had promised her mom, wasn’t it? She’d forgotten.

“Yeah, okay.” She stands to her feet and offers a hand to Lin, who takes it hesitantly before standing up as well. Kya doesn’t let go as they start the walk back to Lin’s house and she’s pleased when Lin doesn’t make any move to let go either.

Kya’s feet are working better on the walk to Lin’s. Or, at least better than they were right before the performance. Which is good.

Before Kya knows it, they’re standing in front of Lin’s house and it’s time to bid farewell for the night. Only then does Lin disentangle their fingers. “Thank you for inviting me out tonight. I… had a lot of fun.”

“Me too.” Kya grins. “We should do it again sometime.” They should do it again tomorrow night. Or tomorrow morning. Or right now. That would be nice. Not only would Kya get to spend more time with Lin, but she’d also be sure to not fall asleep. Truly a win-win situation.

“Yeah,” Lin agrees softly. “We should.” Her hesitant smile fades back into a frown and Kya instantly misses it. She wants to crack a joke so it’ll show back up. “Are you sure you’re okay to go back to Air Temple Island yourself? I’m sure you could crash here for the night if you wanted.”

That does sound nice. But, Kya reasons, she might have to actually _sleep_ if she agrees to stay with Lin. If she goes back to Air Temple Island, she _has_ to stay awake the whole way back. And then she can keep herself awake. She can’t risk Lin - or, worse, _Toph_ \- forcing her to sleep.

“I’ll be fine,” Kya assures her. “My mom said she was going to let Toph know when I got home, so you’ll know if something happens.”

Lin doesn’t look convinced. “If you’re sure…”

“I am.” Kya reaches for Lin’s hand again before she can convince herself it’s a bad idea and brings it to her lips, pressing a light kiss to her knuckle. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

Link blinks, her hand going limp in Kya’s. And _wow_ , Kya _really_ wants to kiss her right now.

But that would be a bad idea. She can’t kiss her brother’s ex. That’s against the bro code. No, not the bro code. That’s for friends. It’s against the… sibling doctrine? Yeah, sure, that sounds good.

Kya drops Lin’s hand. “See you…” she wants to say _tomorrow_ , but they don’t have any plans, and Kya probably shouldn’t show up unannounced two days in a row.

(Woah. Did she just show up unannounced earlier _today_? It’s been a _long_ day.)

“...soon,” she finishes. “Goodnight.”

It takes Lin a few moments to respond. “Y-yes. Goodnight. Thank you again. I’ll see you soon!” With that she spins around and disappears inside. Kya hears her shout something at Su, but she can’t hear what, exactly, it is.

And all of a sudden, Kya wants to collapse.

She wants to knock on the door and take Lin up on her offer to stay over. She wants to fall over in the street and take a nap. She wants to let the ground swallow her up and sleep for hours on end.

But she won’t. She _won’t_.

So she takes a deep breath, and she starts the foreboding trek back to the docks, dragging her feet the whole way there.

\--

Kya _barely_ manages to catch the last ferry back to Air Temple Island for the night, and as soon as she’s aboard, she trudges towards a seat and collapses onto it. The only other people on the ship with her besides the crew are a few of the younger acolytes who live on the island, and they’re busy talking amongst themselves.

Kya stares up at the sky, studying the moon. It must be nearly midnight at this point, which gives her another six hours until the sun rises. Six hours to find _something_ that will keep her awake until the sky is light enough to lend a helping hand and she can busy herself with chores around Air Temple Island that she’d normally try to avoid.

Why does sunrise have to be so far away? Kya feels tired just _thinking_ about having to keep herself awake without any help for that much longer.

(But maybe she just feels so tired because she’s reaching, what, forty hours without sleep? More? She’s lost the ability to count.)

The moon is half full tonight, and Kya wonders if Yue would help her stay awake if she tried praying to her. Probably, Yue would tell her to go to bed. _Probably_ , Yue would tell Kya’s parents she’s refusing to sleep so they can stage an intervention.

Kya takes to studying the stars instead for the rest of the ride to Air Temple Island, going over the stories of the constellations in her mind, trying to convince her eyes that they don’t need to close.

After the boat finally docks and Kya follows the trio of air acolytes off, she trudges home and finds Katara up waiting for her. She purses her lips like she’s disappointed, but when she speaks, it’s to ask. “Did you have a good time?”

Kya nods. She wants to want to talk to her mom, mostly because talking is a good tactic for keeping awake, but she’s not sure her brain has the energy for a conversation right now. “Yeah. It was fun.”

“That’s good. You can tell me more tomorrow; you look tired. You should get some rest.”

Kya nods again. Rest. She could rest, as long as she doesn’t fall asleep. She could lie down in bed and relax, as long as she doesn’t let her eyes shut for too long, as long as she doesn’t let sleep overtake her. She could rest.

She stumbles to her room and immediately reaches for her spark rocks to light a candle. She stares at the flame and tries to meditate until her eyes start to burn, at which point, she grabs a book and begins to read.

When she can’t stand to look at words any longer, she sketches, filling empty journal pages with scribbles she won’t be able to decipher in the morning.

(Morning… How far away is that?)

She sketches until something catches the corner of her eye - a sudden movement - and she jumps, swinging her head up to face it.

But the only thing there is her own shadow.

Kya shakes her head, lowering her gaze once more to focus on her drawing. It doesn’t last long, though, because she sees whatever it is moving again, on her other side this time.

There’s something creeping around the edges of her room.

Kya stands to her feet shakily, eyes sweeping the room, looking for any signs of life besides herself and the flickering flame of the candle.

Nothing.

She must have imagined it.

Still, Kya retrieves more candles and lanterns, lighting them all, and placing them around her room until it’s light enough that no evil spirits could possibly be hiding in the shadows. 

It doesn’t make much difference. Kya is on edge until the sun finally, _finally_ , peaks over the horizon and floods through the windows, flushing out the darkness completely. Only then does she actually relax, laying down in her bed and staring up at the ceiling.

She should put makeup on, to cover the ever-darkening bags under her eyes.

She should close her eyes, just for a couple seconds.

She should tell Bumi the truth.

She should let herself fall asleep and face the wrath of her sleep paralysis demons head on. She shouldn’t let herself be scared of something she knows isn’t real. She shouldn’t be scared, she _shouldn’t_ be scared. She’s the daughter of the Avatar and the greatest waterbending master in hundreds of years at least. She’s better than this.

(But she’s been a disappointment her whole life. Maybe she isn’t better than running away from sleep like a coward.)

(She’s the daughter of the Avatar, and she was the second non-airbending disappointment and the second child who won’t give them the grandchildren she knows they must want.)

(She _isn’t_ better than this, is she? She never has been.)

\--

The monsters living in the corners of Kya’s eyes don’t go away with the arrival of the sun.

All morning, she’s twisting and turning in her seat, whipping her head around as she walks, trying to catch whatever is haunting her in the act, trying to see what it is.

She’s never successful.

She’s probably going crazy.

After she stops for the fourth time (fifth time? third time? Numbers are hard) while helping Bumi and some of the air acolytes carry boxes from the supplies ship to the temple, Bumi asks, “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yep!” Kya starts walking again, picking up her pace in order to get away despite the fact that Bumi is faster than she is (even if just because his legs are longer). “I’m great!”

“You seem distracted.” He whistles once, twice, three times, before jogging to catch up to Kya. “Did something happen with Lin last night? Are you two okay?” He gasps. “Did you _kiss her_?!”

“Bumi!” Kya looks around, hoping Tenzin isn’t anywhere nearby. “Keep your voice down! Do you _want_ Tenzin to know about--”

“About,” Bumi lowers his voice, “you kissing his ex?”

“I didn’t kiss her!” Kya exclaims. She huffs in frustration. “Can you just stop trying to talk to me so we can finish this up?”

Bumi deflates, and Kya feels a little sorry for being so snippy, but she’s just _not_ in the mood for anyone to pester her about anything. She’s not in the mood to talk to anyone or interact with anyone. She’s just here to push off sleep for a couple more hours; not gossip about her love life.

(Or, lack thereof.)

She’s been on edge since last night, and she’d prefer to just keep to herself. Is that such a bad thing to want?

Bumi trails behind silently, save for his tics, the rest of the way back to the temple. It’s almost unnerving, if Kya is being honest, but she’s also grateful she doesn’t have to put what little energy she has into conversing with someone.

She should’ve known better than to believe she’d be home free, though. That would be too easy.

As soon as they’ve dropped the boxes where they belong, Bumi is grabbing Kya’s arm and pulling her out of earshot of the acolytes they were helping.

“I’m worried about you.”

Kya doesn’t know _how_ she’s supposed to respond to _that_ , so she just says, “Why?”

“Because you’ve been acting--”

 _There!_

Kya shoves Bumi out of the way, confident she just saw something dart behind him, but she’s met with the sight of nothing but plants and rocks. Maybe it’s hiding in the bushes?

“KYA!” Bumi grabs her shoulders, forcing Kya to look at him.

“Sorry,” she mumbles, shaking her head. “I thought I saw something. What were you saying?”

Bumi opens his mouth, then closes it, frowning. Kya thinks maybe he forgot what he was talking about, until he says, “Actually, never mind. I just remembered that I have to go… help Nima with something! See you later!”

And with that, he takes off, decidedly _not_ running in the direction where he would be most likely to find Nima. Maybe they told Bumi to meet them elsewhere?

Whatever. There are still more crates that need to be carried up to the temple, and Kya needs to keep herself awake. She doesn’t have time to dwell on Bumi acting slightly more odd than usual.

She blinks the weariness from her eyes and begins the trek back down to the docks, her movements mechanical and not quite feeling like her own.

\--

When Bumi returns, it’s over an hour later, and he has Lin in tow. Which, first of all, doesn’t make _any_ sense. Lin and Bumi have never been particularly close. Their personalities don’t exactly match up well most of the time, so they’re usually only together if someone else (Kya) is there to bridge the gap.

Kya brushes over that oddity though in favor of her excitement to see Lin. Quite frankly, _why_ they’re together isn’t important. What’s _important_ is that Lin is _here_ and Kya hadn’t expected to see her today.

“Lin!” she exclaims.

What happens next is… weird.

Kya runs to greet Lin, but it’s almost like she’s watching herself do it. Like someone else is inhabiting her body, and she’s just standing by, watching herself pull Lin into a hug. Watching herself lean too heavily on Lin because she’s been keeping herself upright without any help _all day_ and it’s _exhausting_. Watching herself bury her face in Lin’s shoulder.

She’s back in her own body once she closes her eyes. She could probably fall asleep here, in Lin’s arms, if she tried. Or even if she didn’t.

 _But_ Kya isn’t sleeping. She’s come this far; she can’t give up just because of a hug. It’s only been… how many hours? There was the night she went out with Bumi, then the next night with Lin, the day in between, the day before, and today… that makes… 

Forty-eight hours? Sixty hours? Somewhere in between? Probably somewhere in between.

Either way. That’s nothing. Kya can last longer than that. She needs to prove herself, prove she _can_ stay awake while conveniently ignoring the real motivation behind her lack of sleep.

“Kya.” Lin practically has to pull Kya off of her, and as soon as Kya meets her gaze, she regrets ever running up to Lin. She should’ve run the other direction. Because she doesn’t know what Lin is about to say, but the look in her eyes tells Kya it isn’t anything she wants to hear. “When was the last time you slept?”

Oh.

She says it casually, like she’s not overly concerned about it, but Kya knows better.

She’s been found out.

Is it too late to run?

Scratch that. The terrain on Air Temple Island isn’t good for running when you’re at your most alert, and Kya’s coordination has been steadily declining ever since she stopped sleeping. Which, really, was only a mere fifty-some hours ago. It hasn’t been _that_ long.

Bumi and Lin are worrying themselves over nothing.

“Kya?” Lin raises her eyebrow and Kya realizes she still hasn’t responded.

“Last night,” Kya lies. “Why?”

Lin and Bumi exchange a _Look_. Bumi shrugs his shoulders and whistles. Kya is, once again, considering just how far she could get if she tried running and coming to the conclusion that it wouldn’t be far enough.

“You’ve been acting… strange, for the past couple of days,” Bumi answers carefully.

“How so?” Kya challenges, crossing her arms.

Bumi scratches the back of his neck. “Well, you’ve been short-tempered. And you’ve been eating more than usual. Not-- Not that there’s anything wrong with that! And, um, you don’t seem very balanced when you walk. Also you’ve been really on edge for no reason.”

“Not to mention staying out late two nights in a row,” Lin adds. “Which might be normal for other people, but it’s out of the ordinary for you. ...Did you really think we wouldn’t notice something was off?”

“Well it’s not like anyone _else_ has noticed,” Kya grumbles before she can stop herself, because that has effectively exposed her. But it’s the _truth_. Tenzin doesn’t care and her parents are too busy with everything else to bother worrying about Kya.

(And, if Kya’s going to be honest, _yes_. She _had_ expected Bumi and Lin wouldn’t notice either, because… well, why would they? She was _trying_ to hide it, and Bumi and Lin have more important things to do than worry about Kya too.)

(Besides, Kya is an adult. She can deal with her sleep issues on her own, thank you very much.)

“When was the last time you slept?” Lin repeats, harsher this time.

“It’s only been a couple days. I’m fine. Sleep is overrated anyways,” Kya waves Lin’s concerns aside, electing to ignore the alarmed expression on her face. “If I _really_ needed it, I would’ve crashed by this point.” Something flits in the corner of Kya’s eye. She flinches, but she doesn’t look at it.

She _won’t_ look at it.

Because she’s _fine_.

And it’s not like she’ll find anything anyways. There’s nothing there; it’s all in her head

(It’s all in her head.)

(Just like--)

“Kya!” Bumi and Lin chorus, momentarily pulling Kya away from a breakdown.

( _Just like just like just like_ )

“You need sleep!” Lin exclaims. She waves a hand in front of Kya’s face, but Kya is looking straight through her. “...Kya?”

( _Just like last time she slept. Just like when she couldn’t move, just like when she was helpless, her own body and mind having turned against her._ )

It goes like this: There’s a flash of black in the corner of Kya’s eye. She turns, expecting to see nothing.

It goes like this: Something is there, something familiar, something Kya hasn’t seen since she woke up two days ago.

It goes like this: Kya is watching herself step away from Lin and Bumi, away from the spirit that has been haunting the corners of her vision since early this morning and haunting her thoughts since long before that, and she is realizing she can never be free.

Sokka has had sleep problems since he was young, and they’ve waned and waxed over the years, but they never went away completely. And Kya has been sentenced to the same fate - one she cannot escape from, one that she has no hope to best. 

But Kya doesn’t have any arms she can run into; she doesn’t have anyone to reach out for in the middle of the night, doesn’t have anyone who will reach out for her and tell her she’s okay and she’s safe and nothing bad will happen no matter what the monsters her mind has made up are telling her. Kya doesn’t have a love story for the ages that helps soothe the fears of living the rest of your life stuck with the rotten lot life cast on you.

Kya has a lonely bedroom in her parents’ house on an island dedicated to a culture she can’t ever hope to fully identify with. Kya has a crush on her little brother’s ex and no idea what she wants to do with her life. Kya has a mind stuck halfway between who she’s supposed to be as the Avatar’s daughter and who she could be if the whole world weren’t judging her every move, waiting to see where she lands and if they can get a piece of her.

Kya has a hand on each of her shoulders that belong to someone whose face she can’t see. 

(Are her eyes even open?)

“ _No_!” Kya cries, jerking away from the touch. “No, don’t touch me!”

A response comes, but Kya can’t make out any of the individual words. She reaches her hands out, searching for water, but she’s too far away from the sea for that to do her any good, and she left her waterskin inside because she shouldn’t have needed it.

Then there’s a hand wrapping around hers, lacing their fingers together. _NO, NO, NO,_ Kya wants to shout, but her mouth stays sealed shut. She shakes her head back and forth, hoping that will tell the spirit she wants it to just _go away_.

The hand doesn’t leave, and the voice returns, but this time, Kya can make out the words: “Kya, it’s Lin. It’s okay. I’m here, I’ve got you, you’re going to be okay.”

 _You’re going to be okay_.

Kya nods and reaches her other hand towards where she’s pretty sure Lin is. She all but falls into Lin’s arms, and Lin lowers both herself and Kya to the ground until they’re seated in the grass. Kya is still somewhere in between reality and another plane of existence, but she can feel Lin running her fingers through her hair, and she focuses on that sensation until it pulls her back to the real world.

When Kya opens her eyes, the first thing she notices is how bright the sun is. The second she notices is how yellow-tinted the world is.

The third thing she notices is that she’s practically in Lin’s lap.

Slowly, everything comes back into focus. Kya can hear the chirping of the sparrow-doves and the wind rustling the leaves on the trees. She can see Bumi seated a safe distance away. She can feel Lin’s arms curled around her and the grass and rocks digging into her legs where the fabric of her robes has ridden up, leaving the skin exposed. She can feel the heat of the afternoon sun on her back and she can hear Bumi’s tics, when she focuses on listening for them.

“Kya.” Lin’s voice is softer now. Gentler. “You need to get some sleep.”

_Sleep._

Kya shakes her head. “I can’t. I _can’t_.” Sleep brings sleep paralysis, and that brings the spirits in Kya’s mind out into the world where she can see them.

Then again, she can see them without being asleep now anyways. So maybe it doesn’t matter.

“Why not?” Bumi pipes up. He doesn’t sound angry; he sounds curious. Like he believes Kya. Like he isn’t on the edge of saying _What do you_ mean _you can’t?! Just lay down and close your eyes!_

“I--” Kya bites her lip. Shakes her head again. Moves so she’s sitting upright on her own, no longer leaning on Lin. 

Bumi looks over to Lin, then. “Mom said she was going to write Uncle Sokka and ask for some of the tea that helps him sleep. But maybe we should take Appa there now so we don’t have to wait for it to be delivered--?”

“No!” Kya interrupts. “No. I don’t need tea. I need--”

What _does_ she need?

She needs to not have inherited the Bad Sleep Genes from Sokka, but there’s nothing that can be done about that. There’s no fix, no solution.

There’s no hope.

“Did something happen?” Lin asks. “Did… did someone say something? Are you trying to prove something?”

“I’m--” _scared_. The word gets caught in Kya’s throat. She blinks hard, and sleep tries to grab her and pull her under, but she won’t give in. She chokes out a sob. “I can’t-- I don’t want--” She’s just so _tired_. She takes a shaky breath. “Last time I slept, I… I had a sleep paralysis episode, which is normal, but… I couldn’t-- I couldn’t get myself out of it, and all I could see was this… spirit. Staring at me. Like it was just a couple inches from my face. And I couldn’t-- I couldn’t do _anything_ except breathe at it.”

She squeezes her eyes shut again, and the spirit is waiting behind her eyelids, the image ingrained into her mind.

Lin reaches out for Kya again, and Kya opens her eyes at the contact. She wants to wince away from Lin’s expression - something holding too much pity for Kya’s liking - but she doesn’t want Lin to stop touching her. “And if you don’t sleep, you won’t have to deal with sleep paralysis,” she concludes.

Kya nods. “Except… It’s not working. It worked for the first day and a half, but now… Now I can see it even when I’m awake. Nothing I do will ever make this go away. I can’t sleep right, and I can’t even stay awake right!”

Lin wipes a tear from Kya’s cheek. (When did she start crying?) “That’s because you’ve been awake for more than two days straight. When people try to stay awake that long - or longer - they can start hallucinating. You need to sleep so your body and mind have time to rest and reset.”

“I don’t want to sleep,” Kya whispers. And then, finally, “I’m afraid,” tumbles out of her mouth before she can stop it.

Lin looks over at Bumi, like she’s looking for answers.

But there aren’t any, are there?

“What if…” Lin starts slowly, after several long moments of no one speaking. “Would it help if there was someone else in the room while you were sleeping?”

Kya shrugs. Probably, but she doesn’t want to subject anyone to sitting in her room for hours on end while she sleeps through the afternoon and evening.

“I could stay with you,” she offers. “Bumi could go get my books so I can study while you sleep, and I’ll make sure nothing can hurt you.”

Kya sniffs. “O-okay. Only if you want to, though.”

“I do,” Lin insists.

\--

It feels weird to lie down in bed. For the past two nights, Kya’s only allowed herself to lie down for a few fleeting moments, not wanting to risk drifting off.

But now, Kya lies down while Lin draws the curtains. When she isn’t satisfied with how much light is still getting into the room, she bends a wall of rock to block out the sunlight. She lights a lantern and places it on the table next to Kya’s bed.

Kya turns onto her back and stares up at the ceiling.

Suddenly, sleep seems impossible. Not even because she’s scared or is refusing to sleep; her mind has just conveniently decided that it doesn’t actually need rest now that it’s been given the opportunity.

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want.”

Lin sighs. “Kya, I already told you I do.” The bed dips as Lin perches on the edge of it. “I’ll stay as long as you need me to, and I don’t want you apologizing or feeling bad, because I _want_ to help you. Just let me take care of you.”

“Okay.” Kya yawns. She turns onto her side so she can see Lin a little better. Kya doesn’t know where it comes from, but suddenly she’s murmuring, “You’re really pretty, you know.” And, now that the floodgates have been opened, “I really like spending time with you and being around you. I really like you.” She yawns again, eyes slipping shut. “ _Like_ as in how Tenzin liked you. Except more, ‘cause I’m better than he is.”

Lin stiffens, momentarily, but not long enough for Kya to register the fact that she should worry. Then, Lin’s hand is on her forehead, brushing a stray strand of hair from her eyes. “I think this is a conversation we should have when you’re a little less sleep deprived.”

“My feelings aren’t going to change once I’m not so sleepy, though.”

“Okay,” Lin responds like she doesn’t really believe it.

Kya cracks an eye open just long enough to find Lin’s hand and catch it in hers. She presses a kiss to the palm and then folds Lin’s hand into a fist. “There’s enough room in my bed for both of us.”

There isn’t, really, but Lin climbs in and lays down next to Kya anyways, gathering Kya into her arms. She kisses Kya’s forehead. “Go to sleep. We can talk once you’re awake.”

Kya slips into unconsciousness, and she doesn’t wake up to any evil spirits or monsters in her room. She wakes up hours later with her head on Lin’s chest, a book Lin must have been reading digging into her side, Lin’s soft snores echoing through the room, and a feeling of safety washing through her body.

**Author's Note:**

> i got information for the effects of sleep deprivation [here](https://www.healthline.com/health/sleep-deprivation/sleep-deprivation-stages#timeline)
> 
> you can find corey's bumi ii with tourette's headcanons [here](https://that-was-anticlimactic.tumblr.com/post/642662942462099456/whatschooldoesntteachyou), which i consulted while writing the fic (also shoutout to her for helping me figure out a fidget toy for bumi) and you can read her [fics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatwasanticlimactic/pseuds/thatwasanticlimactic) for sokka with tourette's which i reread before/while writing this)
> 
> i read through [this](https://dimasilawwriting.wordpress.com/2020/06/06/so-you-want-to-write-a-character-with-tourettes-syndrome/#:~:text=Do%20state%20that%20your%20character,don't%20write%20about%20them.) article on writing characters with tourette's as well. and i know i've read other articles/posts about tourette's but i unfortunately don't have links to all of those :(
> 
> my only source for sleep paralysis is my own experience but i'm sure there are plenty of articles out there if you're interested in learning more about it!!
> 
> you can also find me on [tumblr](https://zukkaclawthorne.tumblr.com/)


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